Thursday, August 21, 2008

Signed, Sealed and Delivered...I'm Theirs!

So yesterday was kind of a monumental day for me in terms of the whole nursing experience.  I signed my contract!  It didn't really hit me fully yesterday when I signed it but today I feel kind of different, kind of like when you have a birthday and you don't feel another year older until a few days after.  I sat there as the program coordinator went through the contract and it kind of felt like a blur, except I made sure to turn in for key words like "pay back TMC in full immediately if leaving the program," and "14, 275K 'and some change', will be owed."  Yikes.  I felt like I should have cut my finger to give her some blood when it was all said and done.  I also signed to be theirs for 3 years afterwards.  That part I'm totally cool with, I like TMC and will need a job for sure, so no qualms there.  And I got a huge pile of books to go along with my signing, wow.  Have I mentioned they're heavy?  And thick?  

I've really been having a lot of internal conversations lately, and talks with good friends and family and it's still amazing to me how long this has all been in process.  I was talking to my friend Lauren, and telling her about the news, and she was so excited for me and said "you've wanted this since you were 14!"  I thought about that, and she is right, I've wanted this for so long, and now it's happening. Why one week before classes start am I going to doubt myself?  I've just began to realize that by doing that I'm short changing myself and the other very important people in my life who believe in me; asserting in a way that their opinions are incorrect. 

Sometimes when I get nervous I think about my grandfather.  He wanted this so badly for me as well, and part of me is so incredibly sad not to have him here to share this with; an ache that comes from somewhere inside of me on a daily basis.  I know he knows, and I know he's happy for me, and I fully believe he will get me through.  It's just he's always been my cheerleader through every milestone and this is the first one I haven't been able to share with him in the flesh, haven't been able to hear his voice on and that still feels hard.

In spite of all of this I've got to have an "I can do this" attitude, and though I'm nervous, it seems that things are unfolding just as they are supposed to, and who am I to argue about that? It's not like their wasn't adversity or the chance for the door to close in this situation too.  So welcome to the new attitude that I choose to have, this is such a wonderful time in my life and it's time I started living in it:)


Scrub pics in a few days I hope! :)


1 comment:

Schwartz said...

Woo Hoo!!!!!! I seem to remember a conversation in the park...and at breakfast...see, you made it!!!!